Seth started his freshman year of high school at the age of 16 – in September 2020 – when school was online. Seth’s teachers loved him because he was always eager to participate on camera, and – to my pleasant surprise – they also appreciated that he asked so many questions. Seth thrived under these conditions because he learns best through class discussion, and because he was at home, he was able to take frequent breaks, which helped him regulate his emotions. This environment was such a great fit for Seth’s needs, he ended up getting straight A’s!
When school returned to in-person classes the following fall, Seth still received mostly A’s and B’s; however, the amount of work he was responsible for increased exponentially, and despite his best efforts, Seth started to fall behind. He became frustrated and upset, but instead of having a meltdown or hiding under his desk (which he used to do in kindergarten), he advocated for himself. He sent his teachers this email:
“Hello, I hope you’re having a wonderful day. I’ve been told before that I need to communicate issues better, so I’m letting you know that I’m feeling a little overwhelmed with schoolwork as of late and that in order to maintain my mental health, I plan on not doing homework until spring break. I understand the consequences and fully accept them. Thank you for hearing me, and have a nice day. – Seth"
To my shock, Seth’s teachers were okay with his decision – at first. Since he was still actively participating in class, completing projects and passing tests, he was keeping his scores up, and that was what was important to them.
After the first quarter of junior year, however, teachers, friends, and family members were strongly advising Seth to work harder and become involved in a variety of extra-curricular activities, so he could attend a good college. Seth doesn’t respond well when he feels pushed, so this tactic backfired. Just like in elementary and middle school, he became overwhelmed and shut down, which led to people pressing even harder. His grades started to plummet – again.
Seth was feeling trapped and despondent – to the point he briefly thought about suicide (something he had never considered before). Fortunately, he immediately came to talk to me and his guidance counselor, and we worked together to reframe the situation. Once Seth was feeling a little better, he decided the incident was a wake-up call. He realized that stretching himself too thin wasn’t conducive to maintaining good mental health, so he made the decision to stop doing homework again, which he often found confusing and stressful. He explained the situation in an email to one of his teachers:
“I'm so overwhelmed, I can't do anything... I have so little tolerance right now. I've been thinking about taking more mental health days. I've thought about changing to being home-schooled. I've talked with my mom, my counselor, and my therapist. I can't endure this pressure and expectation. It's not in my skill set. School emphasizes my weaknesses, not my strengths. And so I can only do what I can. – Seth”
When I read that email, my heart ached for Seth.
Kids with autism are generally assigned an IEP (individualized education plan), which is basically a personalized game plan for students who need extra help in school due to disabilities or learning challenges. It's like a roadmap that helps ensure these students get the right kind of support to succeed academically (and socially).
Seth had an IEP for emotional disability in elementary school, but since he started high school online, the administration felt that developing an IEP would be premature. They suggested waiting until school was open and in person again, so they would have a better idea of Seth’s support needs.
However, they did put a Section 504 plan in place. A Section 504 plan gives students with disabilities appropriate accommodations, but without all the detailed planning of an IEP. A 504 plan is supposed to make sure students with disabilities get the accommodations they need to succeed in school: extra time on tests, preferential seating, etc. Seth’s 504 plan had three accommodations listed:
1. Frequent breaks during class and state testing
2. Teacher check-ins to ensure student is engaged and on task, and
3. Assisting the student by helping them break down large projects into smaller pieces and conferencing with him to help him stay on schedule.
Unfortunately, these accommodations didn't go far enough, and most of the time, they weren’t even followed.
Stay tuned for the conclusion of "This Child was Left Behind"
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